i'm.. never typing that again... I'm sorry....
i'm currently playing OW in rage because team can't stand on payload it's apparently to hard to take out a turnert :'D
I got not much to date, just school being a bit much because it's my last year hnnnng. The new teacher is shit.... not gonna go in details because i ranted to much to friends... and Tumblr. Basiccly we get no time to work on the project because she takes up all our time and when we told her about this problem she got so mad that she told us that if we didn't agree we could just go out... This week is a bit better, idk maybe the other teacher we ranted to told her??
I'm just stressing with stress, school and depression, i've not felt this low in some years and it's horrible! i got those good days, but mostly it's shit days atm. Went to a family funeral a few weeks back and it's still in the air in the house and ofc i can understand it a lot it was my grandmothers sister. but a lot is just going on in my mind and eergh.. The pressure from school is not helping and how things are going now aint helping either. I feel like i have nothing to complain about because i feel my case is so smal compared to some friends and i want to kick myself for being like this. I'm just tired, i just want to SLEEP and not care about what might happen. I'm trying to stay active and take small trips around my area because that means i can get some Pokemon Go done it do help me, but at the same time i'm afraid to meet old school bully's and that just stops me for going to far away :l I'm mostly just a hermit sitting in my room playing games and drawing because i'm afraid to break down and kick things away, and i been on a near break down for so looong. i mean i spilled some paint on a cosplay i was working on and i cried... stupid brain or whatever control that shit.
And it's not really helping much with how my grandmother is acting around with her negativity and everything and the god dam drinking of her's. I can understand she's having it hard, but it's no excuse i feel to drink vodka and get drunk. Maybe it's just me, i don't handle family members being drunk well after so much traumatizing from my mother when i was younger. It's just really screwed up my point of view on close family members drinking in general. And how's she's right now dealing with things and the drinking + strong meds is just not helping.
I want to get my own place, but at the same time i can't afford shit nor can i really just leave. It's just all so frustrating, and when i call her out because she one time did pass out and she had not told me anything and i panicked and call the ambulance only to know she had been drinking to much and passed out. She can't fucking be honest with me and it hurts more than anything because she keeps saying we should not keep secrets and then she do things like this!
For the art... I'm currently working on a magazine design (and i hate it soooo much) and i made illustrations that i can post here once i'm done at least uwu
I may get something done soon, but who knows o3o
Beside all this i guess it's going okey, the bird got hormones AND puberty now it's fucking hell!! But god dammit do i love the lill shit to bits. (he's screaming at me because i had to take out the food bowl...)
If it was not for some friends i would probs just give up, like just sleep and not do much more.. maybe wake up and play games... maybe..
Listening to: Spotify
Reading: FanFics *puts on sunglasses*